Hello.
Meet Elijah.

intensional:

i use the word fuck so excessively i sometimes forget it’s a swear word

warsquirtle:

Has anybody ever actually gotten salmonella from eating raw cookie dough or are people just trying to stop me from living my life

overdid:

do you ever feel lonely and unwanted even if you are with your friends

fulllblownrose:

It’s too hot *opens window* in comes 20 flies, 8 spiders, 17 daddy long legs, 50 moths, 3 dragons and 12 Jehovah’s witnesses.

vxpo:

Kanye West says he’s gonna be the next Nelson Mandela? Nigga your wife is a porn star and your daughter is a compass. Please have several seats.

bettybonesco:

this might be my favorite gif

cheesoisuncool:

new traffic light color ideas

  • purple: turn around and go back
  • mega green: like green except greener. it means that you have to double go.
  • cyan: apply your turbo boosters and do a cool drift or get arrested by the car law
  • black: sucks you into a cyber vortex where you have to do a bonus stage road and collect rings

urbancatfitters:

dear professor i couldn’t finish my homework because life is pointless

CF